Tuesday, April 27, 2004

More Lyrics

Go Away
falling together in the cold grass holding hands
on the hill side watching stars descend
forever seems like just an empty promise
we spent so long ago
but we were younger then.

each sour word
sounds so absurd
but lingers
in the air
while happiness
in an ashen dress
fades into
the years
each lonely hour
my heart has slept
has drifted back
to me
a splintered dream
of awful things
that now
have come to be

She said Go
I don't want you any more
She said Go
i don't need you now, my dearest
She said Go
i don't love you anymore
She said Go
and I heard the angels cry

for us...

simple words that simply disappear
while silence has replaced the sound of laughter
and in the twilight memories shimmer in a
breath of hesitation
but it only lasts a moment before its gone

each sour word
sounds so absurd
but lingers
in the air
while happiness
in an ashen dress
fades into
the years
each lonely hour
my heart has slept
has drifted back
to me
a splintered dream
of awful things
that now
have come to be

-The Cr├╝xshadows

Sunday, April 25, 2004

I grasp at smoke, and am surprised when it slips through my fingers. I stare at shadows, willing them to be solid forms, but they fade away in the dark. I am tired, and cannot sleep. I am restless, but cannot move. I can't read, the words won't come into focus. I try to write, but my thoughts won't stay still long enough for me to capture them. I need to shut my brain off for a while, if only I knew how.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

We had a little excitement at work today. A bit of motion outside the window caught my eye. I looked up, and two policemen were being pulled past me by a German Shepherd. They disappeared around the corner of the building. Their cruisers were parked on the side of the road near our building. Everyone crowded at the window trying to see what was going on...because we're all a bunch of gossips at heart. Everyone joked about who in the building might have reason to be worried. But we couldn't see anything else, and soon everyone went back to their desks. Maybe a half hour later, the dog, accompanied by three cops, walked happily by, carrying a bone. Most of us were eyeing the dog, commenting on how pretty he was...but some people have other things on their minds.

"Isn't that a beautiful dog?"
"Yeah. And the men aren't bad either."

In any case, no one was arrested or anything. They were just exercising the dog. At least one of my co-workers is hoping that they make this a regular ritual.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

It doesn't take much to make my day. Any little thing will do. Even though I have been depressed, I still find things to laugh at every day. Being easily amused is a pretty good defense mechanism.

Things that made me smile today:
Gwydion being so affectionate that he fell off the table.
The person who answered the phone at 8:34 am by saying, "Good afternoon..I mean, uh...Hi."
The co-worker conga line.
Eating lunch in the sun.
Driving with the windows down.

Monday, April 19, 2004

Having one of those days. Off in my own little world. It's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. The people are too weird. Prone to burst into song at the slightest provocation. Taken to dancing in the corridors. Liable to say out loud the things that everyone is thinking and no one will admit to. Heh heh heh.

"Hey Pretty" got stuck in my head for no apparent reason. Haven't heard that song in months. Fun to sing, though.

Hey pretty
Don't you wanna take a ride with me?
Through my world
Hey pretty
Don't you wanna kick and slide
Through my world?

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Can't sleep. Got to a point in my stitching last night where for some reason nothing was lining up the way it should. My counting is off somewhere, but though I counted and counted, I couldn't figure out where. I hate to throw it out after I've put so much work into it already. So I woke up, and started thinking about it, and now, here I am, counting again. Grrr.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Slept too much last night...about 12 or 13 hours and felt tired and out of sorts all day. I expect that tonight I will return to my regularly scheduled insomnia.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

I love thunderstorms...even though they freak the cats out. I am getting ready to take a little nap, but it's nice to sit in the dark and listen to the rain.

Sunday, April 11, 2004

"So, what have you been up to?"

"Nothing. It's too cold to get in trouble."

Saturday, April 10, 2004

Craft fair today. Yay! I am looking forward to seeing everyone (and their crafts). And then a little bit of partying planned for later on. Should be fun. At some point this weekend, I really need to do my laundry. I am very tempted to bring it to my dad's house when I go tomorrow for Easter. This will be the first time in years that I'm not working and can go eat dinner with the family. That should be interesting.

I worked more on my celtic knot, so that is coming along pretty well. Speaking of my cross stitch, here are the two little projects I've finished:

Cat in Window

I am thinking of altering this pattern to create additional images for the other seasons and then framing them together.

Spot of Tea
Hee hee. A dragon in a teacup.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

Haven't written in a while, so I thought I'd make a quick entry. Have managed to be busy, mostly with work, and watching X-files and crafting with gossamer_gull. I completed 2 small projects now, and will probably take pictures of them soon to show everyone. I made a dragon cross stitch from a pattern ladygwyn lent to me, and it is really little and cute. Now I am attempting to do a Celtic knotwork pattern bookmark with green variegated floss...I've already screwed it up once, so we'll see how it comes out.

Monday, April 05, 2004

Feeling quiet tonight. Thoughts swirl around in my head and go nowhere. Dead ends. No matter how many times I follow the path, it always leads to the same place.

Sunday, April 04, 2004

Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself.
Being true to anyone else or anything else is impossible....

-Richard Bach

Friday, April 02, 2004

Quote of the day, some dieting advice:

"I need to lose weight; my pants are too tight."

"You should buy some jogging pants." (points to guy passing by with very loose sweatpants on) "See, like that."

"You buy jogging pants, you grow into jogging pants. That's how I got in this mess."

Thursday, April 01, 2004

I had Chinese food at work today. Strangely enough, I had the exact same message in my fortune cookie as the last time:

Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.

I'm still not sure what that means, but I guess it must be true, since the cookies have told me twice now.