Saturday, December 25, 2004

Knitting update: I finished my second scarf last night. I had intended to finish it last week so I could use the pair of them as gifts for my dad and stemother, but ran out of time. So I guess I'll have to mail them this week. Better late than never, I guess.


Monday, December 13, 2004

Sat and Sun were spent at home, mostly sitting in front of the television with my knitting. The knitting goes on apace. I finally put together the catnip wonton, for which the kitties were extremely grateful. And I completed a scarf and started on another one. If I can get the second one done this week, I'll give them both as gifts, one for dad and one for the WOS (that's wicked old stepmother, in case you were wondering). I'll take some pictures and post them so you can all ooh and aaah over how crafty I am. Or not. Whatever. In any case, I am enjoying the knitting very much and hope to move beyond scarves soon. I'd like to make a pair of socks or a hat with kitty ears (because I tried some on a few weeks ago and they were adorable).

Catnip wonton

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

This is what happens when you try to make a cat look like a dog:

And I apologize for the fuzziness of the photo, but my camera batteries were on their last legs and would not support the flash.

This was my homework for this evening: to paint a cat shaped piggy bank to look like a dog. Anyone for a chorus of "My job is fucking weird sometimes"?

Big thanks to gossamer_gull for making this look way better than it did when I painted it. I promise to share my $25 with you.

Oh, and another thing: I got an e-mail at work today with a photo attachment called "Assy line". This was a legitimate work-related e-mail, from what I lovingly call our "sweat shop" in Thailand showing an assembly line of girls making some cards. I almost deleted the e-mail at first because I didn't recognize the sender. Gotta love it.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

I learned how to knit tonight. Yay! And because I am perhaps inordinately proud of my first efforts, here's a picture:

For some reason, I am having difficulty getting my other picture to upload anywhere, but you get the idea.

Thanks to hippygoth for being a good teacher, and for feeding me and providing good company (ladygwyn and geekpixie also hung out and knitted and stuff).

The real trick, of course, is whether I will remember any of the lesson by tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Wow. Finished reading The Dark Tower on Monday. Although, I am glad to see the story reach a conclusion, I have mixed feelings about it. In some ways, I found it to be very satisfying. Just to reach the end of something, to have closure, whatever it might be, is a good thing. There's always a concern when reading something like that, that it will never be finished...and like so many people, I just want to know what happens to everyone.

I have, after all, been waiting for this moment for a long time (though not so long as some). I received the first 3 books in the series as a Christmas present in 1991(?). I read them over the course of my Christmas vacation. I spent those couple of weeks babysitting my nephew, and actually read most of the books out loud to him, since he found the sound of my voice soothing, regardless of what I was saying. I have some distinct memories of bizarre contrasts between the text I was reading, and the sing-songy voice I was using to read it. In any case, I was pretty much hooked from the first book, and have anxiously awaited each subsequent addition to the series.

Speaking in the vaguest of terms, so as not to have too many spoilers, I have to say that in my opinion, although the ending was not the one I would have wished seems to be the right one. I'll admit it, I'm a sucker for a happy ending....but I hate it when you get a happy ending just for the sake of the happiness. Better to have my guts wrenched, than to feel nothing...and the wrong happy ending can leave you feeling so empty. Something that I have said before, in relationship to death in books or films, is that often times, we become attached to the characters, and sometimes authors or filmmakers are afraid to let them "kill" them. And yet, death is a part of life, and something we all have to deal with...why should the characters in our books or movies be any different? Why should they get all the happy endings, while we're down here in the trenches?

It's been a long journey, one that I enjoyed...and will probably take again as soon as I manage to get myself copies of the new hardcover editions of the first four books (I gave away my originals, due to the horrible magenta cover of Wizard and Glass and have been meaning to replace them, but somehow haven't). It seems sad that it is done, that I don't have another book to look forward to, but I guess that everything has to have an ending, and I am glad that I got to see this one.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Glass Slipper

no one's asking to go dancing it's not like that anymore
it's romantic if they mean it when they shut your fingers in the door
it's a gory sort of story that's been told a hundred times before
it gets tricky don't be picky if the slipper fits you wear it whore
how many tips can i take home tonight without them getting mad

how many stitches do you think it takes to fix a cut that bad
how many minutes until midnight and you get your eyesight back
not to knock it i've been off it never moving very much at once

it's been awkward i still offer it when it's that time of
other girls shower but i give out flowers
to curious strangers who throw dollars at my feet
how many crimes can i try spotting dry before it leaves a stain

how many times say that i love you 'til it doesn't mean a thing
how many fittings must i sit through with my big feet blistering
how many strips until it hits me and my big mouth strikes again
i'm not asking to go dancing i'm not that dumb anymore

it's exhausting to keep smiling when your toes are bleeding through the floor
it's a gory sort of story that's been told a million times before
don't be sorry just ignore me because honestly
i'm too sore from fitting exactly to ride into setting suns aching
to stand on my own two feet
how many wishes do i still have left to fix the way it ends

how many princes will it take to put a girl like this back together again
how many instances can you point out where i was less than kind
how many happy endings do you need to change your fucking mind
and how much time do we have left before it's midnight and
you see that i was never the right size?

-the dresden dolls

Monday, November 15, 2004

Managed about 100 pages of The Dark Tower last night before I had to go to sleep. It's good so far. That's all I really wanted to say.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

I've been busy re-reading some favorite books. Some discussion of Moscow to the End of the Line prompted me to dig it out and take another look at it. It's one of those books that I bought on a whim because it seemed interesting, but I had never heard of it or its author before. I'd give you a synopsis of the book, except nothing really happens. I don't think I could sum it up in a way that would make any sense. It's more like an extended monologue. In any case, it was just as good on a second reading, though I am more curious now about the translation, and how much I am missing by reading it in English. Note to self: learn Russian.

"Everything should take place slowly and incorrectly so that a man doesn't get a chance to start feeling proud, so that a man is sad and perplexed."

"Minute by minute I am getting happier, and if I start to get foul-mouthed, it's only because I'm happy."

Last week, I was really sick, and so, embarked on a reading of Watership Down. This is my comfort book, and I read it every couple of years. In case you don't know, this book is about bunnies. =) Actually it's about quite a lot of things. Life, death, politics, love, friendship, loyalty, fear....and bunnies. My copy is battered and torn, and starting to smell moldy, but in the good way that only old books can achieve. At one point, I owned 3 copies, but have given the others away, keeping the oldest and most battered for myself. Why, when I had a perfectly good brand-new copy, would I give that away, and keep the one that is probably going to fall apart in another couple of years? In this case, the physical book is just as important as the story it contains, a link to my past...reading it again brings back happy memories.

"There is nothing that cuts you down to size like coming to some strange and marvelous place where no one even stops to notice that you stare about you."

"Not all strange things are bad."

Also started on a re-reading of The Master and Margarita, but I bought The Dark Tower today and all other reading is going to have to go on hold until I finish fact, most of my life is probably going to have to go on hold until I finish it.

Monday, November 01, 2004

Halloween Dresden Dolls concert = fun

Good Day
so you dont want to hear about my good song?
and you dont want to hear about how i am getting on
with all the things that i can get done
the sun is in the sky and i am by my lonesome
so you don't want to hear about my good day?
you have better things to do than to hear me say

god it's been a lovely day! everything is going my way
i took out the trash today and i'm on fire...

so you don't want to hear about my good friends?
you dont have the guts to take the truth or consequence
success is in the eye of the beholder
and it's looking even better over your cold shoulder

i'm not suggesting you up and line me up for questioning
but jesus think about the bridges you are burning
and i'm betting
that even though you knew it from the start
you'd rather be a bitch than be an ordinary broken heart

so go ahead and talk about your bad day...
i want all the details of the pain and misery
that you are inflicting on the others
i consider them my sisters and i want their numbers

god it's been a lovely day! everything is going my way
i took up croquet today and i'm on fire

i picked up the pieces of my broken ego
i have finally made my peace as far as you and me go
but i'd love to have you up to see the place;
i'd like to do more than survive i'd like to rub it in your face.....

hey! it's been a lovely day! everything's been going my way
i had so much fun today and i'm on fire
god it's been a lovely day everything's been going my way
ever since you went away hey i'm on fire.....
i'm on fire...
i'm on fire...
so you don't want to hear about my good day?
-The Dresden Dolls

Monday, September 27, 2004

"'No more shooting from anyone. Or I am going to get seriously cranky with everyone. Suddenly, and violently and all over the place.'"
-John Taylor
Simon R. Green's Something from the Nightside

"When I started out I had a dream, a dream of helping people who had nowhere else to turn; but dreams don't last. They can't compete with reality."
Simon R. Green's Something from the Nightside

Friday, September 24, 2004

I've been feeling like reading some adolescent lit lately. Maybe it has to do with my upcoming birthday and feeling like I am old. Right now, I'm reading Simon R. Green's Something from the Nightside. It's fun, the kind of thing I would have been totally enthralled with as a pre-teen. The main character is John Taylor, a private investigator with a special gift for finding things...even things that don 't want to be found. He takes on a case to find a runaway teen that leads him to the Nightside, a sort of parallel dimension full of horrible, and yet enticing things. The horror is not too scary, at least not what I've read so far, strictly PG stuff. Noticing a trend though, the mix of horror and comedy. There are a lot of witticisms, one liners and sarcasm which I find entertaining. Very similar in that way to the vampire books I was reading recently, and to shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, and even most horror movies these days have those laugh moments. Used to be a time when if you were laughing at your horror movie or show, it was a bad it's sort of expected, that we're afraid to make things too scary. We inject humor into our nightmares. Weird, huh?

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

In what has to be one of my more spectacular crafting accidents, I dropped a newly opened bottle of mod podge onto the floor, splattering glue all over my legs, the floor in the hallway, and last, but certainly not least, my bookcase.

Cleaning glue from book covers is not a fun activity.

I also broke the project I was trying to set on top of the bookcase to dry, because trying to catch both falling objects, I, of course, failed to catch either. Go me.

Also, you do not want to walk barefoot in my house right now.
Got to see The Crüxshadows tonight, and it was a lot of fun. Here are some lyrics in honor of the event....even though they didn't play this song. I like it, so there.

My eyes resign dissolving vision
To vividness of sense and sequence
Betrayed by certain circumstances
Outside the world I've known
How cold and cut bewildered silence
Left me for a newer face
While sadness dances gracefully
In this forgotten place
Regardless of the introspection
I found myself in your reflection
I guess it's all too easy now
To look the other way
Saving graces, trading places
Asking for a sense of hope
But the line to heaven's ringing busy
And I walk this path alone
What kind of sick games were we playing?
No rules, no constitution
No sympathy for one another
And nowhere left to go
Regardless of the introspection
I see myself in your reflection
I guess it makes it easier
To turn your eyes away
And I'm not asking you to lie and tell me
That you love me still
I know that it's untrue
(I know that it's untrue)
So I'm not asking you to lie and tell me that
You want me too
I know that it's untrue
(I know that it's untrue)
Saving secrets unembellished
Left without revision
Sacrosanct and underground
Why do I need you so?
(Why do I need you so?)
And sentiment was none-too-careful
Delivering the means
To break the balance of perfection
And eliminate these dreams
Regardless of the introspection
I see myself in your reflection
I guess it makes it easier
To turn your eyes away
And I'm not asking you to lie and tell me that
You love me still
I know that it's untrue
(I know that it's untrue)
So I'm not asking you to lie and tell me that
You want me too
I know that it's untrue
(I know that it's untrue)
So what do I do?
What do I do?
I still love you..
Life is such a tangled mess
With cruel lines dividing us
I don't want to be
On the other side from you
And I'm not asking you to lie and tell me that
You love me still
I know that it's untrue
(I know that it's untrue)
So I'm not asking you to lie and tell me that
You want me too
I know that it's untrue
(I know that it's untrue)

Monday, September 20, 2004

Finished reading The Laughing Corpse and Circus of the Damned by Laurell K. Hamilton. Ultimately, it was a nice piece of fluff to occupy my time when my brain was too tired to concentrate on anything more serious. I like the idea and some of the writing was decent, but I just can't get over my dislike of Anita Blake. She never ceased to annoy me, so I doubt that I will be picking up any of the other books in this series anytime soon. I feel kind of inspired to do some writing of my own. One of these days, I really will get some of the stories that live in my brain out onto paper...or at least into the computer.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

I recently finished reading Laurell K Hamilton's Guilty Pleasures. Although the writing style was not anything spectacular, there was a nice blend of humor and horror. The concept was interesting, and the story was fast-paced and entertaining, which was all I was really looking for. I have to say that I think I like my vampires a little more evil. It's been a long time since I have found a scary vampire story. I have this problem with this type of novel, and with movies too...not enough people die. I know that sounds bad, but really, it's just that I expect horror in my horror novels. People have to get killed, and they can't just be side characters that you don't care about. Otherwise, your typical bad guy isn't much of a threat. I'm not sure how I feel about the main character. She is annoying at times, but then...I think Buffy is annoying, too, and I still love the show. I want to root for her; it's nice to see strong female characters. The hardcover edition of the book, which a friend lent to me, has two more novels in it, so I guess I will read those next, and see if the character grows on me at all.

Anyway, this made for a nice little break from my ongoing reading of Dickens' The Old Curiosity Shop.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Been awfully quiet around here lately. My life's been busy, but not terribly interesting. Trying to think about what I should do with this space, something that will give me an incentive to write. I sit down to write every day, and stare at the monitor, and the blank, white space mocks me, because I have nothing to say...or what I have to say seems dumb, or incoherent, or petty. I'm out of practice. I haven't been writing as much as I should...but I have a new pen pal, and that has inspired me to try and spend some more time with the muse. Sadly, even writing e-mails is an effort, but hopefully one that will become easier with practice.

I've been doing some more reading lately (this year has been pretty slow for me on that front) and am thinking I may start keeping a reading journal again. I haven't added any quotes to my quote book in forever, even though I've read some really good things in the last year. I'm sure that there are an abundance of good quotes that I completely failed to note down, and are now lost to me, unless I should read them again.

I've also been doing quite a bit of crafting, and have several projects in various stages of completion, which is kind of fun. At least I've been keeping busy. I'm hoping to get some pictures up soon so I can show off some of my work, but I haven't figured out what I want the album to look like....or rather I have some ideas, but not the skill to put them into effect.

Now if only it would cool off a little, I might find some energy to get out and do something.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Feeling very frustrated with all of my projects at the moment. I have a lot of stuff that I started a long time ago and part of me is just not that interested in finishing them, but then I hate that they are sitting there, undone.

I did a bad thing and started a new project because I was bored with all of the stuff that I was working on...only the project I chose to do is also driving me crazy.

Here is an item that I have come to the conclusion that I am never going to finish. I have no interest in working on it. But I hate to throw it away.

I have done this much:

Any suggestions?

I started this piece forever ago as a present for my niece...who is now 17 and no longer really into this sort of thing. Oops. I'll probably finish this one anyway. It's sparkly.

And here is my damned fall cat, which has way too many colors. And they're all orange. Sigh.

What I have so far:

Okay, I'm done ranting now. Thanks for listening. I think I am going to go wind floss, or something equally mindless.

Monday, August 02, 2004

This is what's running through my head today:

Perhaps I am a miscreation
No one knows the truth, there is no future here
And you're the DJ speaks to my insomnia
And laughs at all I have to fear
Laughs at all I have to fear
You always play the madmen poets
Vinyl vision grungy bands
You never know who's still awake
You never know who understands and

Are you out there, can you hear this?
Jimmy Olson, Johnny Memphis,
I was out here listening all the time
And though the static walls surround me
You were out there and you found me
I was out here listening all the time

Last night we drank in parking lots
And why do we drink? I guess we do it 'cause
And when I turned your station on
You sounded more familiar than that party was
You more familiar than that party
It's the first time I stayed up all night
It's getting light, I hear the birds
I'm driving home on empty streets
I think I put my shirt on backwards

Are you out there, can you hear this
Jimmy Olson, Johnny Memphis
I was out here listening all the time
And though the static walls surround me
You were out there and you found me
I was out here listening all the time

And what's the future, who will choose it?
Politics of love and music
Underdogs who turn the tables
Indie versus major labels
There's so much to see through
Like our parents do more drugs than we do

Corporate parents, corporate towns
I know every TV set that has them lit
They preach that I should save the world
They pray that I won't do a better job of it
Pray that I won't do a better job
So tonight I turned your station on just so I'd be understood
Instead another voice said I was just too late
And just no good...

Calling Olson, calling Memphis
I am calling, can you hear this?
I was out here listening all the time
And I will write this down
and then I will not be alone again, yeah
I was out here listening
Oh yeah, I was out here listening
Oh yeah, I am out here listening all the time

-Dar Williams - Are You Out There?

Monday, July 26, 2004

When you dream that all of your teeth fall out, it is time to make an appointment with the dentist.

Friday, July 23, 2004

I keep dreaming about zombies.  But they're not nightmares.  In one dream, the zombies were too slow and stupid to be scary.  And in the one I had last night, it was more like I was an extra in a really bad zombie movie.  Perhaps it's just my brain working through all the stupidity I have to deal with on a daily basis. 

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Celtic Bookmark

Celtic knot in green variegated floss - trying to get the shading to line up when starting a new thread turned out to be a pain, but I am happy with the results.

Friday, July 09, 2004

Today's fortune cookie:

The best times of your life have not yet been lived.

Well, thank the gods for that, 'cause that'd be pretty sad.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Blah blah blah blah blah blahblahblah blahblah blah. Blah. Blahblah blahblah blah blah blah blah blahblah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blahblah blahblahblahblah blah. Blah! Blah blahblah blah blahblah blah. Life. 'Nuff said.

Sunday, June 06, 2004

Nothing of interest to report. I just feel like I should write something to show that I am not dead or anything. So here I am. This is a strange time in my life. Everything is strange and going in unexpected directions: work, my personal life, everything. Hopefully things will sort themselves out soon.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

It's unseasonably grey and cold and it may be that it's responsible for my bleak mood...but then again, this is pretty much how I am all the time, so perhaps it's unfair to blame the weather. Lately I have been having anxiety attacks whenever I have to go someplace where there will be other people. This includes work and hanging out with my friends...places where I have absolutely no reason to feel anxious. I force myself to keep up my normal schedule, do the things I usually do...but it takes effort and it's very draining, emotionally and physically. I have a long weekend coming up and at least one of the days, I intend to stay home not do anything. The last month or so has been so busy, and though I've enjoyed it, I'm hoping a little down time will help level out my head.

Monday, May 24, 2004

Is it possible for something to be perfect and completely wrong at the same time? I wouldn't have thought so. There are forces at work here that I don't claim to understand. Nothing seems to be going the way that I intended. The things that are right in my life just don't seem to be working, and the things that are all fucked up seem natural and right. There is something seriously wrong with this picture.

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Once again, my brain seems to be in overdrive. I have so many things rattling around in there, stressing me out, that I can't sleep, I can't read, I can't seem to do anything. I had a good weekend, saw some theater, visited with a friend I haven't seen in a while. Good things...but I can't seem to hold onto those thoughts. The other stuff keeps creeping in. It's still early, but I want to be sleeping. I have no energy, even sitting at the computer seems like a lot of work.

Saturday, May 15, 2004

Why am I awake this early on a Saturday? Is it because I don't want to miss a minute of this glorious day? No. It's because a cat jumped on my head and then stood on my chest, purring and demanding affection. This happens fairly often at home, but one of the perks of not being at home is that the cats are supposed to want affection from someone else. It's a good thing she's so cute.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

I am having a very girly kind of evening. I painted my fingernails and toenails with matching coats of a dark, sparkly red nailpolish. And I'm thinking about wearing a skirt tomorrow. My hair smells like fruit, and I have been buffed and moisturized to within an inch of my life.

Sometimes it is good to pamper yourself. After all, if I don't spoil me, who will?

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

I've been pretty quiet lately. What can I say? I've been too busy living life to write about it. It seems like everyone is having a party this month, so it's been go go go every weekend. Not that I'm complaining. I love hanging with my friends, especially when the weather is nice and we can play volleyball in our bare feet in someone's backyard. The rest of the month shows no signs of slowing down, so it should be lots of fun.

It's suddenly hot around here. I put my double oscillating fan in the window today and am enjoying the cool breeze now wafting through my bedroom. The cats are not that thrilled with it.

In closing, I would like to say:
It's hot as hell, here what I say?
My whole life is a big flambé
I'm as hot as the engine in a Chevrolet
It's hot as hell, damn hot, okay?

Tee hee hee.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

More Lyrics

Go Away
falling together in the cold grass holding hands
on the hill side watching stars descend
forever seems like just an empty promise
we spent so long ago
but we were younger then.

each sour word
sounds so absurd
but lingers
in the air
while happiness
in an ashen dress
fades into
the years
each lonely hour
my heart has slept
has drifted back
to me
a splintered dream
of awful things
that now
have come to be

She said Go
I don't want you any more
She said Go
i don't need you now, my dearest
She said Go
i don't love you anymore
She said Go
and I heard the angels cry

for us...

simple words that simply disappear
while silence has replaced the sound of laughter
and in the twilight memories shimmer in a
breath of hesitation
but it only lasts a moment before its gone

each sour word
sounds so absurd
but lingers
in the air
while happiness
in an ashen dress
fades into
the years
each lonely hour
my heart has slept
has drifted back
to me
a splintered dream
of awful things
that now
have come to be

-The Crüxshadows

Sunday, April 25, 2004

I grasp at smoke, and am surprised when it slips through my fingers. I stare at shadows, willing them to be solid forms, but they fade away in the dark. I am tired, and cannot sleep. I am restless, but cannot move. I can't read, the words won't come into focus. I try to write, but my thoughts won't stay still long enough for me to capture them. I need to shut my brain off for a while, if only I knew how.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

We had a little excitement at work today. A bit of motion outside the window caught my eye. I looked up, and two policemen were being pulled past me by a German Shepherd. They disappeared around the corner of the building. Their cruisers were parked on the side of the road near our building. Everyone crowded at the window trying to see what was going on...because we're all a bunch of gossips at heart. Everyone joked about who in the building might have reason to be worried. But we couldn't see anything else, and soon everyone went back to their desks. Maybe a half hour later, the dog, accompanied by three cops, walked happily by, carrying a bone. Most of us were eyeing the dog, commenting on how pretty he was...but some people have other things on their minds.

"Isn't that a beautiful dog?"
"Yeah. And the men aren't bad either."

In any case, no one was arrested or anything. They were just exercising the dog. At least one of my co-workers is hoping that they make this a regular ritual.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

It doesn't take much to make my day. Any little thing will do. Even though I have been depressed, I still find things to laugh at every day. Being easily amused is a pretty good defense mechanism.

Things that made me smile today:
Gwydion being so affectionate that he fell off the table.
The person who answered the phone at 8:34 am by saying, "Good afternoon..I mean, uh...Hi."
The co-worker conga line.
Eating lunch in the sun.
Driving with the windows down.

Monday, April 19, 2004

Having one of those days. Off in my own little world. It's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. The people are too weird. Prone to burst into song at the slightest provocation. Taken to dancing in the corridors. Liable to say out loud the things that everyone is thinking and no one will admit to. Heh heh heh.

"Hey Pretty" got stuck in my head for no apparent reason. Haven't heard that song in months. Fun to sing, though.

Hey pretty
Don't you wanna take a ride with me?
Through my world
Hey pretty
Don't you wanna kick and slide
Through my world?

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Can't sleep. Got to a point in my stitching last night where for some reason nothing was lining up the way it should. My counting is off somewhere, but though I counted and counted, I couldn't figure out where. I hate to throw it out after I've put so much work into it already. So I woke up, and started thinking about it, and now, here I am, counting again. Grrr.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Slept too much last night...about 12 or 13 hours and felt tired and out of sorts all day. I expect that tonight I will return to my regularly scheduled insomnia.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

I love thunderstorms...even though they freak the cats out. I am getting ready to take a little nap, but it's nice to sit in the dark and listen to the rain.

Sunday, April 11, 2004

"So, what have you been up to?"

"Nothing. It's too cold to get in trouble."

Saturday, April 10, 2004

Craft fair today. Yay! I am looking forward to seeing everyone (and their crafts). And then a little bit of partying planned for later on. Should be fun. At some point this weekend, I really need to do my laundry. I am very tempted to bring it to my dad's house when I go tomorrow for Easter. This will be the first time in years that I'm not working and can go eat dinner with the family. That should be interesting.

I worked more on my celtic knot, so that is coming along pretty well. Speaking of my cross stitch, here are the two little projects I've finished:

Cat in Window

I am thinking of altering this pattern to create additional images for the other seasons and then framing them together.

Spot of Tea
Hee hee. A dragon in a teacup.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

Haven't written in a while, so I thought I'd make a quick entry. Have managed to be busy, mostly with work, and watching X-files and crafting with gossamer_gull. I completed 2 small projects now, and will probably take pictures of them soon to show everyone. I made a dragon cross stitch from a pattern ladygwyn lent to me, and it is really little and cute. Now I am attempting to do a Celtic knotwork pattern bookmark with green variegated floss...I've already screwed it up once, so we'll see how it comes out.

Monday, April 05, 2004

Feeling quiet tonight. Thoughts swirl around in my head and go nowhere. Dead ends. No matter how many times I follow the path, it always leads to the same place.

Sunday, April 04, 2004

Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself.
Being true to anyone else or anything else is impossible....

-Richard Bach

Friday, April 02, 2004

Quote of the day, some dieting advice:

"I need to lose weight; my pants are too tight."

"You should buy some jogging pants." (points to guy passing by with very loose sweatpants on) "See, like that."

"You buy jogging pants, you grow into jogging pants. That's how I got in this mess."

Thursday, April 01, 2004

I had Chinese food at work today. Strangely enough, I had the exact same message in my fortune cookie as the last time:

Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.

I'm still not sure what that means, but I guess it must be true, since the cookies have told me twice now.

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Have Bruderschaft's "Forever" running through my head:

I have not abandoned hope, though I know there's nothing more.
Tired and alone, you forget what you had hoped for.


I will walk this ground forever
and stand guard against your name.
I will give all I can offer,
I will shoulder all the blame.
I am sentry to you now,
all your hopes and all your dreams.
I will hold you to the light,
that's what forever means.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

I am so tired. I wish I could sleep. But my night is full of tossing, and turning, and thinking, and crying, and berating myself, and staring at the clock. *sigh* I need something to shut my brain up.

Monday, March 29, 2004

They say everything happens for a reason, but I wish I understood. It's true that my life has changed a lot for the better in the last few weeks, but I can't help but feel that there is something missing. Someone with whom to share it. And the things that have finally gone right, probably would have why did it have to be like this?

Sunday, March 28, 2004

Today is a quiet day. I had planned on working on some craft stuff, but I was doing one of my little Christmas ornaments, and after having to pick out and redo about half of the design twice, I figured that maybe my head is just not in it. I obviously have counting issues today; maybe I'm still a little tired.

Saturday, March 27, 2004

I asked myself "was I content,"
with the world that I once cherished?
did it bring me to this darkened place
to comtemplate my perfect future
I will not stand nor utter words against
this tide of hate
losing sight of what and who I was again

I'm so sorry if these seething words I say
impress on you
that I've become the anathema of my soul

I can't say that you're losing me.
I always tried to keep myself tied to this world
but I know where this is leading
please, no tears
no sympathy

I can't say that you're losing me
but I must be that which I am
though I know where this could take me
no tears
no sympathy

facing conflict deep inside myself
but here confined
losing control of what I could not change

I ask you "Please don't worry,"
not for me
don't turn your back
don't turn away

-"Epicentre" by VNV Nation

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

I've come to understand that bliss
Is quite impossible and if
I'll ever find a way
I'll claim another life

I've come to understand that kiss
Was quite impossible and if
I'll ever find a way
I'll halt the turn of time...
The torpedoes
it's time to run away with the sideshow
Full speed
Right ahead
Don't stop
You can sleep when you're dead

Monday, March 22, 2004

Work doesn't have to suck.

I just got home from work, and I actually feel energized, instead of exhausted. Go figure.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Today's horoscope:

You are sociable and entertaining.

Who? Me? must mean someone else. Sociable, entertaining...right.

Sunday, March 14, 2004

From my fortune advice cookie:

"Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you."

Friday, March 12, 2004

William Goldman wrote:
Life is pain...anybody that says different is selling something.

Variation on a theme:
Life is stress...anybody that says different, I want some of what they're taking.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Someone was singing this at work today, and it got stuck in my head.

"Everybody knows that the world is full of stupid people..."

Anybody else working in the customer service field will be able to testify to this fact.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Motto for customer service professionals:

When in doubt, make stuff up.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Thursday, March 04, 2004

This job
is a test

It is only a test

If this were an actual job,
there would be
bonuses, raises and promotions.

This is only a test.

Sunday, February 29, 2004

I had a nice, chill day yesterday. Hung out at home all day, did some reading, some vegetating, etc. ladygwyn joined gossamer_gull and I at The Crackhouse for some quality crafting time. It was definitely nice to have company and I actually felt a little motivated to both start new projects, and work on old ones. I started work on a new mask, which I am happy with, so far. But I need to make a trip to the craft store for the kind of ribbon I want to use around the edges. So that will have to wait until I get paid. On the plus side, by the end of this week, I should no longer be completely poor. Since I couldn't do anything else with the mask, I pulled out my cross stitch and worked on that until my wrists got sore. So that was a fun evening.

Saturday, February 28, 2004

Things overheard at work:

"Oh. I mispronounced that? Sorry. The only thing I know about California is the Beach Boys."

"Leave me alone. I'm vibrating."
"She likes to get her freak on at work."
Tonight I will be seeing ladygwyn for some crafting madness, I mean, fun. I am hoping that having some company will inspire me to finish some of the projects which have been in a crafty limbo for the last couple of weeks. I have been completely uncrafty lately. Getting used to working and all, and all the stuff going on this week, I just have been too tired when I am home to do anything but vegetate.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

"A day without chocolate is a day wasted."

Isn't is nice, how you can be sitting, minding your own business, completely immersed in your own depression, and from out of nowhere, comes the magical phrase, "Would you like a piece of chocolate?" And suddenly the world doesn't seem that bad. It's not just the chocolate, though I am certainly a fan of the stuff. It's the fact that someone else noticed, even if only for a brief time, that you existed, and thought to share something with you.

Thursday, February 05, 2004

Why is it that Brynna has the whole bed to sprawl out on, and she just has to sleep in the square foot of space occupied by my newly cleaned and folded laundry?

And finally, here is my finished cross stitch project:

The Castle

Now I just need to figure out where to get it framed.

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Well. I did it. I finished my cross stitch. After only 6 years or so. A new record. Yay! I will take a picture of it tomorrow when I have better light so that those of you who care can see the finished product. To celebrate the successful completion of this project, I began on another partially completed cross stitch which has been mocking me from the craft drawer for a number of years. Go me.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

I am marinating chicken to cook for dinner tonight. Go me, with the cooking. We'll see how this comes out. Did some dishes and am waiting for them to dry so I can put them away. I don't believe in the whole using a towel to dry the dishes thing. They can air dry and like it. So, not too much on the agenda for today. More bad TV and cross stitching, I suspect. I am moving right along with the backstitching and it looks really cool. All of the castle is done, and bits and pieces of the dragon are also finished. I have a lot more work to do...but assuming that I just spend the next couple of days hanging out at home...and at the moment I have no other plans...I should finish it fairly soon. Yay!

Sunday, January 25, 2004

The weekend went pretty well, I think. Our group got along well, we had plenty of food and drinks, and way too much Buffy and Angel, as evidenced by the fact that I dreamt about fighting demons last night. I finished the cross stitch part of my cross stitch on Sat night, and started the tedious process of backstitching on Sunday, so I am feeling very accomplished. It looks cool. That's the nice thing about the backstitching, it makes such a dramatic difference right away; I really feel like I am getting somewhere. Need to take a break for a couple of days though as my neck, back and wrists are a little out of whack from spending the weekend hunched over my canvas.

Monday, January 19, 2004

I spent a lot of time yesterday working on my crafting. =) Still, I made good progress and have finished one project and am nearing completion of another (if only it didn't keep needing extra stuff - glitter, paint, etc.) Also worked on the dragon cross stitch, which is coming along nicely. At this rate, the cross stitching should be done by the end of the month, and then begins the tedious process of backstitching all the outlines. *sigh*